I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
