your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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