this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
