he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
