True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
