I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
