You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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