His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
