highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
