Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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