man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
