Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
