i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this just has baby written all over it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
