1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
