I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
