I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
