im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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