He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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