He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
