While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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