I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
