I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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