he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
