The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
