I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize