I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
