youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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