from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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