So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
