One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
