elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
