My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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