Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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