my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
