I've blown a few things in my day
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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