4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
