Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize