Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
