Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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