Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
