So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just threw up on my dentist
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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