dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am one with the molecules
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
