hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize