Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
