the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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