So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
