Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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