i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
