My sheets look like a crime scene.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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