I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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