I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
