My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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