im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
