ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
