I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize