I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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