no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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