u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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