i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
