I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
