By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
