I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How naked do you want me to be?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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