i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
