Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
