You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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