i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
