As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
