Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
