I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
