Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
