I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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