God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
