Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize