Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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