i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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