You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
