There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
