UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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