dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
