You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No...this little piggys going to the bar
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize