im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i've created a new STD.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
