Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
