i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
