I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
