THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
40s are totally the cure
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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