Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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