just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
