it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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