i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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