But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
