just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
