You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
