I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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