you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
