Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
