yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
