my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
