sarcasm needs its own font
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
