i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
