: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
