it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
